Welcome!

I saw that Mr. Woody recently wrote a post praising my blog and telling you all to come visit it. Well, here you are. Impressed yet? Probably not. That is because in reality there is really nothing special about this blog. It may look well managed and very sophisticated with its decorative flames and its many widgets on the sides, but in reality it is not widely read and it has only been recommended by one person. You are only looking at this because there was a hyperlink directing you here. You are sheep. Your shepherd told you to go and you went.  You gave it no thought. I could be giving you a virus right now and you would have no idea. You jumped into the pool without testing the water. Now the sharks will eat you alive. 

Duh nuh..... Duh nuh.....Duh nuh duh nuh

I’m just kidding, but that does bring up a very good point about society. You do what you’re told without thinking about what you’re doing. How many of you have ever eaten what somebody gave you? Have you ever followed somebody’s directions to get to a building? I know you have all believed most everything your teachers tell you. That’s because you trust them. Haven’t you ever watched a movie? The main theme is very repetitive: Trust no one. If you trust someone, they can drag you along a path of lies and throw you off the cliff of commitment into the pit of regret. Sound’s a lot like marriage doesn’t it?

Did you like that last metaphor? I did. I am starting to use metaphors more and more often. Metaphors allow you to compare anything you want with quite literally anything else. Then, people who read it can come up with their own ideas of what the metaphor means and you don’t have to. If they don’t know what it means, then you can just say that it is “too deep for them to comprehend”. With this method, you can say any variety of nonsense and get away with it.

To summarize, I’m not asking you to trust me. This blog is a lamp, and I am only asking you to enjoy it. In my opinion (remember, my opinion is a Palestinian chair choking in the nitrous wind) it is not nearly as great Mr. Woody said it was, but I will admit that it is pretty awesome. Feel free to leave any comments you want and I will respond to them within 3-5 business days. If you feel that it is morally wrong to comment on a page belonging to someone that you do not know, then you may comment on Mr. Woody’s page and he will relay message to me. We have our own little blog community, you see. Before you ask, you may not be a member, and we will share no details about it with an outsider.

Especially me.

As a closing thought, I would like to tell you that, like Seinfeld, this blog is about nothing, so please do not begin reading it with high expectations because your hopes and dreams will be crushed by the weight of boring ideas and non-standard writing techniques.

See "The Pilot"

Christmas Edition

This blog is all about Christmas. Some of my views are expressed that may be alien or scary to others. If you have a very strong holiday spirit and you do not want it crushed by the fantastic weight of reality, then I would not advise reading this post. You have been warned.

There are many who say that this blog is stupid and badly written and has no point other than for me to complain about things that do not matter to anybody. Well, I just want you to remember that even if the final product sucks like a vacuum on steroids, it’s the thought that counts. We all know that’s not true though. It’s the presents that count. Christmas is about ripping open as many boxes as you can and reaping the benefits of other’s unreasonable kindness. This is the true spirit of Christmas in America: Quantity over Quality. Because just like food from McDonalds, we don’t care what is in the box as long as there is lots of good stuff (That is a great business strategy. I should open a company that sells big boxes of random things. The people wouldn’t know what is in the boxes, but they would know that there is a lot of it. I could be a millionaire!!!!!) As one of my friends says, “It’s still food”. Does anybody care about the quality of their fast food? I think that the best fast food you can get still has a lesser quality than radioactive sewage from Chernobyl. But I guess it’s still food. I do believe that gift giving is somewhat unreasonable. Think about it. What have you really done for your Aunt Sue in the past year? I’ll bet you haven’t even seen her. And yet she still spends money on you. Every year people send away presents to people that they really don’t even know. This results in gifts that have absolutely no appeal to the receiver. However, I would rather have one more box to rip open than have nothing at all. Quantity over Quality!

Go America!!!!

Now remember, if you didn’t like this post then Santa won’t give you presents. I want to know who came up with the concept of Santa Claus. He is a big fat guy with out-of-control facial hair and a ridiculous suit. He has thousands of people under his control and he is the owner of several flying reindeer (they must have had a taste of some of that radioactive sewage). He spends the entire year spying on little children and then in one night he uses highly advanced power (possibly faster than light travel capabilities) to sneak into everybody’s house (bypassing the security system by coming in through the chimney) and eats all of their food. He has access to nearly every device in the world (how else could he get everybody what they want) and the ability to carry them across extreme distances. He knows when and where everybody sleeps and he is aware of the good or bad nature of their doings. Kids are supposed to idolize this guy? He is a creeper and yet millions of adults take their kids to malls so that they can go sit on his lap and tell him all about their lives. We are feeding information to the enemy. We make such a big deal of protecting kids from dangerous and scary people that we forget about the people that we ourselves are exposing them to. We are so concerned about foreign terrorists that we forget to watch out for those creepers who are domestic. The worst part is that he will never leave. We are blinded by our merry childhood conceptions of Santa so much that we will never realize the evilness of this fat man who acts so jolly. Well, I am doing my part to stop this global epidemic. I am getting the word out. I’m taking it to the streets. I’ll tell you: Santa is a bad man. He’ll mess you up. I realize that this might by bad for business, heck, it might be bad for everybody, but this crazy creeper of a man must be stopped.

I hope that this post has brightened your year and given you lots of holiday cheer. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and remember to lock up your chimney!