If a tree falls in the forest

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, will it make a sound? No, it won’t. The only sound will be that of ten thousand scientists screaming their lungs out at over ten thousand decibels in frustration over a pointless problem that they have spent ten thousand hours trying to figure out. These scientists think they are so smart, that they can figure out a problem that was never meant to be attempted. Well guess what. YOU CAN’T!! You are wasting your time and my tax dollars. Its people like this who make me afraid for the future of our country. There are smart people in Europe trying to solve the world’s real problems, like global warming, and there’s us trying to figure out the sound making properties of a tree.

It’s not just scientists who are doing pointless things; people everywhere are putting way too much time into projects that are thoroughly useless. THE STUPIDITY IS GROWING!!! It’s like an epidemic. You thought the plague was bad … That’s nothing! The Idioticus Disease, as I am calling it, is consuming our minds. If it continues, it will seep into our government! Oh wait, it already has. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Your clever mind is thinking “Besides some of those politicians, I haven’t seen anybody like this. You’re wrong you crazy blogger. Your reality is crazy!!” I assure you, I am not crazy. Well, not completely crazy. Have you ever seen art? What good has that done for you? It’s pointless. Yet, people pay millions of dollars for a picture of a fruit bowl. The Idioticus is all around you. It’s there when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. The truth that pointlessness is bursting through you; that in order to feel smart, we have to have purpose, however pointless it may be. It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pull us, guides us, drives us. It is purpose that defines us. I’m here because of those scientists, dear reader. I’m here to take from you what you so desperately desire: purpose. What are you doing now? You are reading a blog. You know where you want this blog will take you, but you can’t know for sure. I’ll tell you where it’s taking you: nowhere. You are wasting your life reading this pointless rambling. Think about it. Have you enjoyed the last paragraph? Honestly, have you? You have been reading this and gotten nothing out of it, thus completing my goal. I have taken your purpose. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  *cough* ha *hack* hag *wheeze* haglah *gak*. I need to work on my maniacal laughter.

 

And just when you thought you were done reading this post. Part two begins. You can’t walk away now. You are almost done. You have to suffer as you read through the next paragraph because you just can’t leave. Dance puppet, dance!

And thus begins part two:

You’ve got to wonder. How did the traditions of Halloween start? How did an event that marked the end of the harvest season and an opening of the door to the Otherworld turn into an event celebrated by ddisemboweling pumpkins and taking candy from strangers.  I thought we were never supposed to do that. All of our holidays are messed up. We celebrate a jolly fat guy who watches you sleep and creeps into your house at night, little people dressed in green, and a giant bunny who gives us dozens colorful eggs. What kind of crazy mutant experiment was he in that made him so large and produce colorful chocolate eggs? I’m telling you, it’s those scientists. If I had a glass of water for every time those guys screwed up, there wouldn’t be a west coast. I have to end this post. The bad analogy police are about to catch up with me. They’re like bunnies; stalking their prey. They just got closer.