The Most Random Masterpiece You Will Read All Day

You know what I hate (besides politicians, cats, and Spinach [sorry Popeye fans, but there is something wrong with you {That was rude. I apologize. I love buff guys (seeing as I am one of them). I have nothing against Popeye the sailor man (toot toot)}].  I also hate parenthesis. So confusing.)? I hate the people who think that blogging is easy. These arrogant fools are under the assumption that creativity and pure genius are skills that can be called upon whenever I please. The blundering incompetent morons are ignorant of the ways of the great blogger. Their pea-sized brains know not of the dedication and immense effort that it takes to create this wonderful collection of words. They think that writing one of these posts is a piece of cake; that I can produce 20 posts in one day. THEY ARE WRONG.  Posting is not a piece of cake (It is actually a cookie).

  

Creating posts is like making cookies. If you try to rush and make dozens of batches every day, you will start to miss important ingredients. The posts will become bland and just like cookies, if you read too many at a time, you will get sick. Then, you won’t want to read (eat) anymore. However, if you go slow, and create a post (batch of cookies) every few days, they will never get old. The posts will be enjoyable every time because the writer put thought and effort into every post (cookie) instead of taking shortcuts and making cookie-cutter posts. Every paragraph will be a masterpiece, bursting with flavorful adjectives, gooey verbs, and warm sentence structure.

Now I’m really hungry. And tired. I am so immensely tired of typing all of those FREAKING PARENTHESIS!!! Look at them. LOOK AT THEM! So many curved lines. I call them the devil smiley faces. I hate them. I hate writing them. I hate typing them. I hate trying to figure out where they go and how they work. Parentheses are supposed to be used to state explanations. So what do I do if I want to explain my explanation? Do I have to use another set of parenthesis?  (A PARENTHESIS WITHIN A PARENTHESIS, I’M IMPRESSED.) What if I have to explain my explanation explaining my explanation? (WE GO DEEPER; THREE LAYERS). Another explanation? Just add another set of parenthesis right? Wrong! (THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE. YOU WOULD NEED A MIRACLE. A REAL ACT OF GOD.) If you need to explain that many explanations, just give up. Save a future editor some pain and never ever become a writer (Or a blog writer. I don’t want to have to read your bland cookie cutter monstrosities you call posts).

Parentheses lead to anger. Anger leads to hate. Then you will be like me! Embrace your hatred of parenthesis. Join me and rid yourself of the horror. Together, we will build an empire of explanations without the confusing trickery of the curvy lines. Join me, and we will rule the blogosphere!