My Friends

I have been asked by one of my more frequent readers, Mr. Woody, to make a list of all the stupid things that my friends do. If you are shocked or scared by these idiotic acts, I apologize. I hate to break it to you, but this is the world we live in. When you get a job, you will see that most people are like my weird friends, especially pointed hair managers.

• Today, my friend asked me what the date was. It told him it was October 32nd. He believed me. He even wrote it on his paper.
•  One of my friends recently had a small Starbucks coffee. One sip and he was bouncing off the walls. He talked so fast that nobody could understand him. Sweat poured from his body. He also jittered. And I don't mean a constant tapping of the foot. When this guy drinks coffee, he turns into an earthquake. His teeth chatter and his body seemed to be having a super seizure. Keep in mind, this was just a small coffee. Can you imagine what would happen if he had an extra large with three shots? He would probably explode. No, he would vaporize and send off a wave of caffeinated energy that would equal the force of two hundred nuclear bombs. It is hard to believe that someone could get high on coffee, but my friend is living proof. This is just one reason why the drug caffeine is bad. Nothing good ever comes out of drinking a lot of caffeine. You drink a Redbull, you crash later; you drink a dozen sugary sodas, you have a heart attack; you drink a Monster, and you go Radioactive. I'm telling you, the energy drink industry will kill us all. In a few years, people won't disappear into dark alleys to buy illegal drugs, they'll be purchasing Coca Cola.
•  Several of my friends have played in the orchestra this year. I don't think they've ever done anything this stupid...
• Two people I know joined debate and slam poetry. I do not approve of these two clubs, but I must admit they did make a very wordy and persuasive argument. :)
• In my band class, we made shirts that said the name of our instrument on the back. One of the drummers mistakenly wrote Drumeline. It's French. It's pronounced Drum - eh - line. 
• Many of you may be wondering why I am talking about school when my profile says I am 52. I am the oldest student EVER!!! 
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• Mis amigos son tan tontos como unos burros, y estoy muy confundido porque yo no veo como ellos viven. Si tu sabes lo que yo estoy hablando, tu estas muy fabuloso. Nosotros personas de Espanol son el mejor.
• Sorry about the last two points, my friend put them on. So stupid....
• I hate to tell you this, but you just wasted a minute of your life reading this pointless blog. Think about, what have you gained? NOTHING! That's what! I have completely controlled your life for the last 60 seconds. I am invincible!

 I would like to conclude by saying that those of you who know me should not under any circumstances mention my name in relation to this blog ever. Not on Facebook, not in the comments, not in a tweet. Never!

I wish to apologize to Coca Cola. My friends all love your products and I did not wish to discourage anyone from purchasing your amazing beverages. This was just a bad attempt at being funny. I would also like to give credit to Starbucks. Without them, my entire school would probably die of lethargy.