Who am I?

By now, many of you are probably wondering who I am. You refuse to accept that my name is Joe Shmoe. C’mon, why can’t you accept me for who I am! I’m kidding. My name is not Joe Shmoe. It would be cool if it was though. I mean picture a scenario in which I put a tack on the teacher’s chair:

Go Mythbusters!

Teacher: “Who put this tack here?”

Tattletale Student (TTS): “It was Joe Shmoe”

Teacher: “Riiiiiight. Is that your imaginary friend? You’re getting detention.”

TTS: “But it wasn’t me!”

Teacher: “Next time, think up a better name than Joe Shmoe.”

Me: “Yes! I am invincible!”

[This shows two things. 1.) Tattletaling usually backfires and 2.) I like James Bond.]

Wouldn’t that be so cool? I could get away with anything. I could commit any crime and never be caught. I could change my license plate to 11ll1l1l. I could be a Supervillain! Bwahahahaha! I’m sorry, I got distracted. Back to the subject of whom I really am. I will not tell you my real name because I am, in every way possible, better than you. Anything that you can do, I can do faster, and with higher quality results. I am the alpha and the omega. I am the Supreme Being of reality. Why? Because I have my own reality. I can do anything, anywhere, at any time.  I am your king. If you were worthy of being in my presence, you would bow down to me in awe of my fabulous self. Even Mr. Woody would accept that I am better than Buddha. I might even create my own religion: Smoeism. Everything on this blog would be law (heck, it already is) and nobody could complain (the comments would be blocked). BEST RELIGION EVER!!

I would like to send a shout out to the German guy that I mentioned in my last post. I am sorry if the post offended you. I think you are great. Thanks for reading!